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If you learn nothing else
in life, just remember
2
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you can never go wrong
with Dolce and Gabbana.
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Their baby line is
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almost as chic as
their little doggie line.
5
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It's just so exciting to think
there's going to be
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a baby in the world
with hopes and dreams
7
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and swarovski crystals.
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Are those baby clothes?
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Bryan, we talked about this.
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We agreed no buying
any baby things
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until after
all the health tests.
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I know. I was bad,
but it wasn't planned.
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I mean, it just happened.
I got excited.
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We were out for pinkberry.
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I mean, obviously,
I'm lactose intolerant
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but Shania here
begged me for some.
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Anyway, next thing I know,
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the kid here spots a baby store
and drags me inside.
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It is a whole new
tiny fashion world out there.
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I had no idea.
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Supermodel, werk!
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It's so gaga.
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House of Lebeija!
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You look ridiculous.
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I mean, that baby model was
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a perfect, like,
twelve-eight-twelve.
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No buying any baby clothes
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until after all the tests.
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A mouse driving a car.
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It's hilarious.
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You are made of stone!
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All this stuff needs to be returned.
Returned?
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David, the salesgirl will think
we're poor.
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Yeah? Well, you should have
thought of that
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before you broke our agreement.
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Can I keep this baby skirt?
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It's so cute.
Of course. Sure.
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Just take it before eeyore
makes us return everything.
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So... this baby is going to be
the greatest thing
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that ever happened
to us, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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It's our little miracle.
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Absolutely.
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So when can we start
enjoying it?
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At about the 12-week mark.
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That's when we run the fetal
nuchal translucency test,
47
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or the nt.
48
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Fnt. I just say nt. Quicker.
49
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Well, after that, I can pull the
trigger on his/her canopy bed?
50
00:01:38,715 --> 00:01:40,099
Uh, no, Bryan.
We're not out of the woods yet.
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What's the test?
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It's basically an ultrasound
that scans for downs syndrome.
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They also look at the
amniotic fluid
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for any other abnormalities
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and they measure the baby.
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And let's pray that he or she is
just slightly undersized,
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'cause those Marc Jacobs
onesies run a tad small.
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It'd be a shame if he or she got
shut out of that fall line.
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Yes, that would be a shame.
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00:01:55,499 --> 00:01:57,366
So after the Marc Jacobs test,
then what?
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Well, then we start to...
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Well, there are many options.
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There's the amnio
at 16 to 20 weeks,
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the chorionic villus at 18,
but a lot of people are
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doing that earlier now,
but I was thinking
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00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,844
just to be safe,
that we go ahead and schedule
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the quadruple marker screener.
What's that?
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I don't know.
Why don't you ask him?
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00:02:12,415 --> 00:02:13,716
Well, it's really
quite amazing.
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What they do is
they take a blood sample
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00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:17,052
and they analyze
various hormones.
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The results can detect
upwards of 85% of defects.
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Defects? What kind of defects?
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00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,359
I'm shutting down.
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Anything from spina bifida
to red hair.
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00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,596
Red hair?
Can we do that test now?
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You know, I read online
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that Judas was a redhead.
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I don't trust any one of them.
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Every time I see Reba McEntire,
I just want to shout,
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"you killed my lord and savior."
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You see a redhead walking
down the street
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just go, "fire in the hole!
Fire in the hole!"
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00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:40,743
Um, I don't think
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I did any of these tests
when I was pregnant with Shania.
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I mean, my Nana was so ashamed,
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for the first three months,
she took me to the veterinarian.
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It's the Marc Jacobs test, the
amnio, the birth defect thing,
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00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,452
the red head scare, and then
we can have the joy?
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00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:52,221
Yes. Then we can have the joy.
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00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,923
It's a lot
to deal with, I know,
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00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:55,424
but really, all you need
to focus on now
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is the ultrasound this Friday.
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It's a big day. You're going
to hear your baby's heartbeat!
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00:02:59,295 --> 00:03:00,513
Of course, just because
you hear the heartbeat
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00:03:00,564 --> 00:03:01,764
doesn't mean that you're safe.
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Nearly 25% of all pregnancies
end in miscarriage.
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00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,484
Butterscotch?
99
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,685
Yeah. Why not?
100
00:03:09,374 --> 00:03:12,208
Sync and corrections by wilson0804
00:04:09,298
Oh, Bryan! Shania said
some top you gave her
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was so cool, it helped
her make a new friend.
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Aww.
Aww.
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You know what? I'm going to buy
her some more new clothes.
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00:04:14,638 --> 00:04:16,755
You guys have fun at lunch.
I'm hitting the outlet mall.
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If I had ever been to one, I would
love an outlet mall. I'll drive.
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Oh, no, it's far.
I'll just take the bus.
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No, we can give you a ride.
What's wrong with the bus?
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Honey, the only people
that take the bus are
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high school dropouts,
single moms and bottle blondes.
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You literally just described me.
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Oh, we can fix your hair.
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Okay, David, I need your help.
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If you were
a nine-year-old girl,
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would you think this is cool?
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Hmm, I would say "cool,"
but probably fatal.
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Okay.
I'm just saying
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Shania is very fair-skinned,
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and tank tops like that
expose shoulders
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which is the area most commonly
neglected by sunscreen
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00:04:47,236 --> 00:04:49,121
and can cause
irreparable damages.
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00:04:49,172 --> 00:04:50,539
But you know,
just keep an eye out
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00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:52,291
for any irregular,
notched or scalloped moles.
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00:04:52,342 --> 00:04:53,676
But super-cute color.
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00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,711
Where's Bryan?
Mm...
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I'll check by the scarves,
you check by the mirrors.
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Okay.
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00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,271
♪ Busted. ♪
154
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Are these baby clothes?
155
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I'm confused as to why
the prices are so low.
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Where am I?
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Stop it.
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You promised we'd wait
till after the test results.
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I know.
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But when I promised that,
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I didn't know
that this existed.
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That's not that cute.
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Okay, that's adorable.
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Can you believe
we're going to have a baby
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with a head that wears
one of these?
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I know. We're really
gonna be dads.
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I love you, too.
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I didn't say I love you.
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I know, but I know
you were thinking it.
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I love you, too.
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Wow.
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Excuse me?
Would you mind not doing that?
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No, it's okay. He's actually
going to let me buy this thing.
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00:05:47,230 --> 00:05:50,766
No. Uh, don't do that
in front of my daughter.
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Kissing another man.
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This is a family store,
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and I shouldn't have to go home
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and explain that to my kid.
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Explain what?
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Look, I don't care what kind
of crap you do
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in the privacy of your own home,
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but don't bring it in here.
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No, no, no. Let's just go. It's not worth it.
No, no, no, no, no.
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Explain what, sir? Love?
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There are places you'd get your
ass kicked for that crap.
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I'm trying to be cool here.
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Oh, well, you really are
being cool, sir.
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Thanks for your intolerance
and your bigotry,
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00:06:13,823 --> 00:06:16,508
and for fostering this ignorance
in another generation.
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And for bringing back
the Fanny pack.
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Okay, the impact of that line
fell short
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because you're still wearing
a beanie on your head.
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I'm trying to protect
my family here.
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Yeah, well, we're having
a family, too.
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Well, that's disgusting.
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I feel bad for that poor kid.
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Come on.
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Oh, there you are.
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00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:38,981
Are you guys all right?
What happened?
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I'm here to pick up my
granddaughter.
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Name?
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00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,237
Mrs. Jane Forrest.
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The girl.
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Oh. Shania Clemmons. Four-eyes.
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00:06:57,575 --> 00:07:00,727
Cloakroom. With a classmate.
Oh, that's nice.
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00:07:00,761 --> 00:07:03,029
I've never met
any of Shania's friends.
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00:07:03,064 --> 00:07:04,130
I was starting to think
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she killed, breaded
and ate them all.
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What the hell are you wearing?!
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Hey, Nana!
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And what the hell
are you doing?!
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Rounding second.
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00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:19,326
Okay, both of you,
come with me... right now.
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00:07:22,496 --> 00:07:24,581
Hey, dude, whatcha doing?
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00:07:26,150 --> 00:07:28,335
Please tell me you're not upset
about returning
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the baby clothes.
I'm not.
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Once we're out of the woods,
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I promise you can buy as many
tiny pairs of baby shoes
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as you want.
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00:07:36,544 --> 00:07:39,346
Our kid is going to give Terry
bradshaw a case of shoe envy.
221
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:41,264
It is Carrie bradshaw!
222
00:07:41,299 --> 00:07:42,632
And stop pretending
you don't know!
223
00:07:42,666 --> 00:07:44,100
And that's not why I'm upset.
224
00:07:44,135 --> 00:07:45,668
You're not still thinking
about the guy
225
00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:47,187
from the outlet mall, are you?
226
00:07:47,221 --> 00:07:49,005
That was an isolated incident.
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00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,507
Honey... it's okay.
228
00:07:51,525 --> 00:07:52,943
It's not okay.
229
00:07:52,977 --> 00:07:54,778
There will always be
stupid jerks in the world.
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00:07:54,812 --> 00:07:56,179
You can't let them bother you.
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00:07:56,197 --> 00:07:57,564
Just ignore them.
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00:07:57,615 --> 00:07:58,865
That's your plan?
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00:07:58,899 --> 00:08:00,400
Ignore them?
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00:08:00,451 --> 00:08:03,119
I've been ignoring people like
that my entire life, David.
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00:08:03,154 --> 00:08:04,788
That's not good enough anymore.
We're having a baby.
236
00:08:04,822 --> 00:08:07,874
Yes, God willing, everything's chromosomally
correct... Will you stop that?!
237
00:08:07,908 --> 00:08:10,026
We are bringing a
baby into the world
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00:08:10,044 --> 00:08:12,295
where idiot people feel
free to say and do
239
00:08:12,330 --> 00:08:13,529
the things they say and do
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00:08:13,547 --> 00:08:16,032
because we have been
trained to ignore them!
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00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:17,033
That guy is not the problem.
242
00:08:17,051 --> 00:08:18,084
We are the problem.
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00:08:18,135 --> 00:08:19,135
Well, what did you
want me to do?
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00:08:19,170 --> 00:08:20,253
Get in his face?
I'm not that guy.
245
00:08:20,304 --> 00:08:21,304
I don't know!
246
00:08:24,425 --> 00:08:26,426
I'm not crying for me.
247
00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:28,762
I'm crying because what if that
happened in front of our kid?
248
00:08:28,813 --> 00:08:30,146
What will we do then?
249
00:08:30,181 --> 00:08:32,215
Just be ashamed of who we are?
250
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:35,051
What kind of message does
that send to our child?
251
00:08:35,069 --> 00:08:38,738
I don't want our kid
to feel that.
252
00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:40,890
To see him or her
get hurt like that,
253
00:08:40,908 --> 00:08:42,993
that would just kill me.
254
00:08:43,027 --> 00:08:45,745
As a parent, you're supposed
to protect your child.
255
00:08:45,780 --> 00:08:47,364
You tell them
not to play in the street,
256
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:48,832
and-and don't do drugs
257
00:08:48,866 --> 00:08:51,701
and wear a thick shea butter
moisturizer at night.
258
00:08:51,735 --> 00:08:54,838
But how are we supposed to
protect our baby from hate?
259
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,094
Excuse me,
260
00:09:01,128 --> 00:09:03,013
what is the best method
of birth control nowadays?
261
00:09:03,047 --> 00:09:04,381
Ma'am, isn't your age
262
00:09:04,415 --> 00:09:06,099
the best method
of birth control?
263
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,717
No, it's not for me,
264
00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:09,919
you inked-up, rude pervert.
265
00:09:09,937 --> 00:09:11,688
It's for them.
266
00:09:11,722 --> 00:09:12,889
Uh, I'm sorry?
267
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,557
Why don't you just give me
268
00:09:14,591 --> 00:09:16,592
the pill for her,
and I'm gonna need
269
00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:17,944
some condoms for the boy.
270
00:09:17,978 --> 00:09:19,595
I'd say, extra small.
271
00:09:19,613 --> 00:09:21,531
Are you serious?
These are just kids.
272
00:09:21,565 --> 00:09:23,149
Oh, they may look like kids,
273
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,819
but their private parts
have already gotten into
274
00:09:25,870 --> 00:09:28,038
some very adult conversations.
275
00:09:28,072 --> 00:09:29,406
Look at her chest.
276
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:33,609
These tiny boobies are
already starting to sprout
277
00:09:33,627 --> 00:09:36,379
and for all I know,
auntie Flo's come to visit.
278
00:09:36,414 --> 00:09:38,581
She's so secretive.
She's just like her mother.
279
00:09:38,615 --> 00:09:40,083
In my mind,
280
00:09:40,117 --> 00:09:41,251
I'm taking a bubble bath
281
00:09:41,285 --> 00:09:43,119
and someone just threw
a toaster in next to me.
282
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,954
I feel so relieved.
283
00:09:44,972 --> 00:09:48,124
Budding breasts.
I hadn't noticed that.
284
00:09:48,142 --> 00:09:49,259
Oh, I have!
285
00:09:49,293 --> 00:09:51,461
And that is all it takes.
286
00:09:51,479 --> 00:09:55,348
I'm going to call the police.
287
00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:58,068
What fruit is in
the mango-banana blast?
288
00:09:58,102 --> 00:09:59,436
Amir, I'm completely
freaking out.
289
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:00,487
Bryan and I are going
to hear the heartbeat
290
00:10:00,521 --> 00:10:01,521
for the first time today.
291
00:10:01,572 --> 00:10:02,972
Is the lemon bang sour?
292
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:04,607
What, are you nuts? Why are
you even telling me this?
293
00:10:04,641 --> 00:10:06,326
You still have
the first heartbeat.
294
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,695
You still have the cvs
and the triple screen.
295
00:10:08,746 --> 00:10:10,447
All sorts of bad things
can come up.
296
00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:11,915
I know. Can't you just say
you're happy for us?
297
00:10:11,949 --> 00:10:13,366
Is there meat in the protein boost?
298
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:14,451
Come on!
299
00:10:14,485 --> 00:10:15,985
Dude, biggest fight
me and the wife
300
00:10:16,003 --> 00:10:18,371
ever got in was during my
son's first heartbeat test.
301
00:10:18,422 --> 00:10:19,756
I was all over the monitor
302
00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:21,424
comparing fetal heart rate
against hers...
303
00:10:21,459 --> 00:10:22,759
What does immune boost mean?
304
00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,327
You frickin' kidding me?
Come on!
305
00:10:24,345 --> 00:10:26,429
See, it turns out,
she was just upset
306
00:10:26,464 --> 00:10:28,131
because I was thinking
like a doctor
307
00:10:28,165 --> 00:10:29,632
and not like a man
hearing his son's heartbeat
308
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:30,767
for the first time.
309
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:32,302
I think I'm having
an anxiety attack.
310
00:10:32,336 --> 00:10:33,553
Hey, look at me.
311
00:10:33,604 --> 00:10:34,471
What?
Hey.
312
00:10:34,505 --> 00:10:36,839
Congrats, David.
313
00:10:36,857 --> 00:10:38,224
Can I have a femme boost,
please?
314
00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:40,276
Will you give the idiot
an IQ boost already?
315
00:10:40,311 --> 00:10:42,228
This retard's
holding up the line!
316
00:10:42,279 --> 00:10:44,814
Hey, don't talk to him like that!
Oh, yeah?
317
00:10:44,848 --> 00:10:47,066
What are you gonna do about it?
318
00:10:50,237 --> 00:10:52,188
Hey!
319
00:10:52,206 --> 00:10:53,873
I don't need you fighting
my battles for me...
320
00:10:53,908 --> 00:10:55,909
Fag.
321
00:10:58,412 --> 00:11:01,247
Sorry I'm late, guys. That's okay.
The doctor's not even here yet.
322
00:11:01,298 --> 00:11:02,365
Oh, yeah.
323
00:11:02,383 --> 00:11:03,383
Are you okay?
324
00:11:03,417 --> 00:11:04,634
Uh, no, I'm upset
325
00:11:04,668 --> 00:11:06,753
that I-I just punched someone
at the gym.
326
00:11:06,804 --> 00:11:08,304
For hogging the free weights?
327
00:11:08,339 --> 00:11:10,089
I mean, David, I don't condone
that, but I-I do understand.
328
00:11:10,141 --> 00:11:11,808
No, I punched a guy who called
329
00:11:11,842 --> 00:11:13,026
a handicapable person
the r word.
330
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,710
That's horrible.
331
00:11:14,728 --> 00:11:16,763
And then the retarded guy called
me a fag. Can you believe that?
332
00:11:16,814 --> 00:11:19,882
Oh, well, is-is the guy you
hit going to press charges?
333
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:23,102
I don't know.
I'm just... I'm just upset.
334
00:11:23,154 --> 00:11:25,522
Largely at myself.
I just lost it.
335
00:11:25,556 --> 00:11:27,223
It doesn't matter.
Where's the chart?
336
00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:28,441
Look at the chart.
337
00:11:28,492 --> 00:11:29,776
Oh, no. David, are you okay?
I'm fine.
338
00:11:29,827 --> 00:11:31,110
I knew.
339
00:11:31,162 --> 00:11:33,279
You knew what?
340
00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:34,697
At the outlet store,
341
00:11:34,731 --> 00:11:36,833
I pretended I didn't hear
when that guy said
342
00:11:36,867 --> 00:11:38,535
you were disgusting
for being gay parents,
343
00:11:38,569 --> 00:11:40,787
but I did hear.
344
00:11:40,838 --> 00:11:43,206
You really are being cool, sir.
345
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,924
Thank you for your intolerance,
346
00:11:44,959 --> 00:11:46,292
and your bigotry,
347
00:11:46,343 --> 00:11:49,078
and for fostering this
ignorance in another generation.
348
00:11:49,096 --> 00:11:51,631
And for bringing
back the Fanny pack.
349
00:11:51,665 --> 00:11:54,083
I should have marched up
and confronted them,
350
00:11:54,101 --> 00:11:55,468
but I was too afraid.
351
00:11:55,519 --> 00:11:58,354
It's okay.
No, it's not okay.
352
00:11:58,389 --> 00:12:00,974
And the next time that happens,
I promise I'll speak up.
353
00:12:01,025 --> 00:12:02,141
If only these ignorant people
354
00:12:02,176 --> 00:12:03,726
with all this hate
in their hearts
355
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:04,944
could see you like I do.
356
00:12:04,979 --> 00:12:06,196
Did you just intentionally
357
00:12:06,230 --> 00:12:08,398
quote a song from cabaret
to lift my spirits,
358
00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:09,816
or was that
a well-timed accident?
359
00:12:12,403 --> 00:12:14,654
Everybody ready?
Yes.
360
00:12:14,705 --> 00:12:17,407
All right, it's gonna
be very simple.
361
00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:19,042
It'll be over in a minute.
362
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:25,615
Just so you know, 45% of all of
these tests turn out... Yes.
363
00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:27,283
Here we go.
Ooh. Yup.
364
00:12:27,301 --> 00:12:29,785
Okay, there we are.
365
00:12:31,388 --> 00:12:33,456
We have a heartbeat.
366
00:12:34,458 --> 00:12:35,925
Congratulations.
367
00:12:57,771 --> 00:12:59,305
I... have to apologize.
368
00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:00,807
I never should have allowed
this woman
369
00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:03,025
to remove these children
from my classroom.
370
00:13:03,060 --> 00:13:05,027
Excuse me?
When I found them,
371
00:13:05,062 --> 00:13:07,246
these children were
about to fornicate
372
00:13:07,281 --> 00:13:08,564
in a coat closet.
373
00:13:08,615 --> 00:13:09,849
Looked like a fourth grade
374
00:13:09,867 --> 00:13:12,034
production of caligula
back there.
375
00:13:12,069 --> 00:13:14,454
Nana, that's no excuse
for kidnapping an actual kid
376
00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:16,239
and dragging him
to planned parenthood.
377
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:17,490
Okay, this little horn dog
378
00:13:17,524 --> 00:13:19,041
was going at Shania like a kid
379
00:13:19,076 --> 00:13:20,827
who lost a quarter
in a candy machine.
380
00:13:20,861 --> 00:13:22,028
And who can blame him?
381
00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:23,629
He can't control himself.
382
00:13:23,664 --> 00:13:26,365
You've got poor little
Shania tarted up like
383
00:13:26,383 --> 00:13:28,200
some CNN news anchor.
384
00:13:28,218 --> 00:13:29,635
Come on.
It was completely innocent.
385
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:31,053
I'm so sorry.
386
00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:32,338
This is not the first time
387
00:13:32,372 --> 00:13:34,173
my Nana's abducted a
person to make a point.
388
00:13:34,207 --> 00:13:35,675
I'm actually
really glad she did it.
389
00:13:35,709 --> 00:13:37,477
Yeah. I'm sorry?
390
00:13:37,511 --> 00:13:39,262
Kids grow up so fast.
391
00:13:39,313 --> 00:13:40,897
You know, everywhere
they look, it's just
392
00:13:40,931 --> 00:13:42,098
sex, sex, sex.
393
00:13:42,149 --> 00:13:44,400
After the stunt
your Nana pulled yesterday,
394
00:13:44,434 --> 00:13:47,069
wilbur and I were able to sit
down and have a very honest
395
00:13:47,104 --> 00:13:50,055
conversation, and I was able
to answer all of his questions.
396
00:13:50,073 --> 00:13:51,657
Uh, well, maybe not all
of his questions.
397
00:13:51,692 --> 00:13:53,225
I still can't tell him
398
00:13:53,243 --> 00:13:55,995
who his father is
'cause I don't know myself.
399
00:13:57,030 --> 00:13:58,281
Anyway, thank you.
400
00:13:58,332 --> 00:13:59,248
You're welcome.
401
00:14:01,668 --> 00:14:02,668
Now, may we be excused?
402
00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:04,453
God, I hope so.
403
00:14:08,292 --> 00:14:12,011
I really like the way you took
control of that situation.
404
00:14:12,045 --> 00:14:13,078
Okay, come on.
405
00:14:13,096 --> 00:14:14,096
All this
406
00:14:14,131 --> 00:14:16,015
is going in my spank bank.
407
00:14:20,103 --> 00:14:21,554
Attention students.
408
00:14:21,588 --> 00:14:23,639
Buses 54, 78...
409
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:25,725
That's right. I think
we got it straight.
410
00:14:25,759 --> 00:14:29,428
Shania, sweetheart, would you
mind waiting in the car?
411
00:14:29,446 --> 00:14:31,314
I-I need to talk to your mom.
412
00:14:31,365 --> 00:14:33,983
Really? Now?
Now I should wait in the car?
413
00:14:34,034 --> 00:14:36,035
Go on, sweetie.
414
00:14:37,321 --> 00:14:39,705
Well, I think we
dodged a bullet there.
415
00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:42,708
Goldie, sweetheart,
we didn't dodge anything.
416
00:14:42,743 --> 00:14:45,411
Your daughter is about
to wade into the deep end
417
00:14:45,445 --> 00:14:48,915
of the sexual pool, and
she does not know how to swim.
418
00:14:48,949 --> 00:14:51,334
We-we shouldn't even be
talking about... swimming.
419
00:14:51,385 --> 00:14:52,919
My daughter is nine.
420
00:14:52,953 --> 00:14:54,720
Oh, yeah?
421
00:14:54,755 --> 00:14:56,055
That's what I thought about you.
422
00:14:56,089 --> 00:14:58,591
And your mother,
and myself while I'm at it.
423
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:01,794
I was a 34-year-old grandmother.
424
00:15:01,812 --> 00:15:03,095
Now how would you like
to add that
425
00:15:03,129 --> 00:15:04,263
to your list of accomplishments?
426
00:15:04,297 --> 00:15:06,265
Which, by the way, aren't many.
427
00:15:06,299 --> 00:15:09,402
Goldie, this is
our wake-up call.
428
00:15:09,436 --> 00:15:12,271
This is our chance
to do better for Shania.
429
00:15:12,305 --> 00:15:15,274
This is our chance
to stop this cycle.
430
00:15:15,308 --> 00:15:17,743
You're right.
431
00:15:17,778 --> 00:15:19,144
I'll talk to her tonight.
432
00:15:19,162 --> 00:15:20,312
Good.
433
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:22,314
Now let's get the hell
out of here.
434
00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:24,417
That kid is giving me
the creeps.
435
00:15:25,919 --> 00:15:29,154
Wilbur! Come on. Now!
436
00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:31,257
Well, good news.
437
00:15:31,291 --> 00:15:33,626
Jason here has agreed
not to press charges.
438
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:34,994
I did two tours in Iraq.
439
00:15:35,012 --> 00:15:37,162
Bit the hump off a camel
on a dare.
440
00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:38,881
You think I can't take a punch
from some punk-ass doctor?
441
00:15:38,932 --> 00:15:40,716
Technically,
I'm not an ass doctor.
442
00:15:40,767 --> 00:15:43,469
I deal more with the
front side, but, uh,
443
00:15:43,503 --> 00:15:44,854
thank you for being
so cool about this.
444
00:15:44,888 --> 00:15:46,305
I don't know what got into me.
445
00:15:46,339 --> 00:15:48,224
It's probably just stress.
446
00:15:48,275 --> 00:15:50,309
My boyfriend and I are about to
become dads for the first time.
447
00:15:50,343 --> 00:15:52,478
Aw! Congratulations!
448
00:15:52,512 --> 00:15:53,896
My boyfriend
and I just got engaged.
449
00:15:53,947 --> 00:15:56,198
You? I didn't...
That's great.
450
00:15:56,233 --> 00:15:57,400
Congratulations.
Yeah, I'm so excited.
451
00:15:57,451 --> 00:15:58,701
Get a room!
452
00:15:58,735 --> 00:15:59,902
Can we get
453
00:15:59,953 --> 00:16:01,654
this boy dance party over with?
454
00:16:01,688 --> 00:16:03,039
Well, Jason, David,
455
00:16:03,073 --> 00:16:06,191
we at equinox do not
tolerate physical violence.
456
00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:07,693
Except in our krav maga class.
457
00:16:07,711 --> 00:16:09,745
We're going to have to
revoke your memberships.
458
00:16:09,796 --> 00:16:10,379
Permanently.
459
00:16:10,414 --> 00:16:11,380
Boo-ya!
460
00:16:11,415 --> 00:16:12,048
Boo-ya?
461
00:16:12,082 --> 00:16:13,165
What is that?
462
00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:14,550
You're getting kicked out, too!
463
00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:16,502
He is getting kicked out, right?
No.
464
00:16:16,536 --> 00:16:18,504
He called him a fag.
That is not acceptable.
465
00:16:18,538 --> 00:16:20,056
But I didn't use my hands.
466
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:21,724
I wish there was
something I could do.
467
00:16:21,758 --> 00:16:25,011
Unfortunately, there isn't
a company policy about this.
468
00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:26,679
I'm out of here.
I have a zumba class
469
00:16:26,713 --> 00:16:27,563
in five minutes.
470
00:16:51,571 --> 00:16:54,239
Would you like to hear
471
00:16:54,257 --> 00:16:55,908
your three favorite words?
472
00:16:55,926 --> 00:16:57,093
I love you?
473
00:16:57,127 --> 00:16:59,679
Nope, not those. These.
474
00:16:59,713 --> 00:17:02,131
You were r...
475
00:17:02,182 --> 00:17:03,599
You were right.
476
00:17:03,633 --> 00:17:06,135
I need to learn
to let joy in my life.
477
00:17:06,186 --> 00:17:10,556
All the negative stuff,
the fear... it's all I know.
478
00:17:10,590 --> 00:17:12,858
Like, in med school,
they teach you
479
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:14,977
to only look for
the bad parts in things.
480
00:17:15,028 --> 00:17:16,145
The exceptions, not the rules.
481
00:17:16,196 --> 00:17:17,396
Get back to the part
where I'm right.
482
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,410
Why now?
483
00:17:31,444 --> 00:17:33,412
We don't have all
the test results back.
484
00:17:33,446 --> 00:17:34,580
That's just it.
485
00:17:34,614 --> 00:17:36,215
We'll never be out of the woods.
486
00:17:36,249 --> 00:17:37,466
There will always be something.
487
00:17:37,501 --> 00:17:40,619
I hate that all the tough stuff
a kid faces in life
488
00:17:40,637 --> 00:17:42,755
will be even tougher
for our kid
489
00:17:42,789 --> 00:17:45,307
because he or she
will have two dads.
490
00:17:45,342 --> 00:17:48,144
So, even though
491
00:17:48,178 --> 00:17:49,428
it's not going to be easy,
492
00:17:49,462 --> 00:17:53,149
I need to try to
celebrate the wins.
493
00:17:53,183 --> 00:17:55,985
Like, when we heard that
heartbeat yesterday,
494
00:17:56,019 --> 00:17:58,470
I don't think I have
ever loved you more,
495
00:17:58,488 --> 00:18:00,239
because that...
496
00:18:00,273 --> 00:18:03,659
That was the sound
of our family.
497
00:18:09,449 --> 00:18:11,917
Just so you know,
498
00:18:11,952 --> 00:18:14,486
the guy whose ass
I kicked at equinox
499
00:18:14,504 --> 00:18:16,488
was practically the
size of a lumberjack.
500
00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:20,492
I can't believe
you got banned for life.
501
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:21,660
I know, right?
502
00:18:21,678 --> 00:18:22,828
That's kind of hot.
Mm.
503
00:18:22,846 --> 00:18:24,430
Just please don't
let yourself go.
504
00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:28,467
Hey.
505
00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:30,836
Hey, Goldie.
What are you guys doing here?
506
00:18:30,854 --> 00:18:32,471
Yeah.
I hope you guys
507
00:18:32,505 --> 00:18:33,939
don't mind us stopping by.
508
00:18:33,974 --> 00:18:35,141
Of course, anytime.
Come on in.
509
00:18:35,175 --> 00:18:36,525
Don't break out the crystal.
510
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,644
We're not staying long enough
to catch anything.
511
00:18:38,678 --> 00:18:41,063
Lovely.
512
00:18:41,114 --> 00:18:44,233
Shania has something that
she wants to speak to you about,
513
00:18:44,284 --> 00:18:46,702
and I wanted to be here
to hear it.
514
00:18:46,736 --> 00:18:47,403
Go ahead, honey.
515
00:18:47,454 --> 00:18:49,238
Say it.
516
00:18:49,289 --> 00:18:52,124
I have to give you back
the baby clothes.
517
00:18:52,159 --> 00:18:53,358
We agreed it's a little too...
518
00:18:53,376 --> 00:18:55,211
What was the word you
wanted me to use again?
519
00:18:55,245 --> 00:18:56,378
Mature.
Whoreish.
520
00:18:56,413 --> 00:18:57,863
Yeah.
521
00:18:57,881 --> 00:18:59,748
Too mature for someone my age
to wear to school.
522
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:00,966
But thanks, anyway.
523
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:02,367
Oh, well,
you're very welcome,
524
00:19:02,385 --> 00:19:04,420
young lady, but I'm sorry if
it caused you a little trouble.
525
00:19:04,471 --> 00:19:07,039
It also got me my
first heartbreak.
526
00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:08,424
I'll look back on it later
527
00:19:08,475 --> 00:19:11,093
in life and blog about it
with bittersweet melancholy.
528
00:19:12,429 --> 00:19:15,397
Uh, Nana has a gift for you.
529
00:19:15,432 --> 00:19:16,432
What?
530
00:19:16,483 --> 00:19:17,900
It just baby clothes.
531
00:19:19,269 --> 00:19:21,237
I love buying baby clothes.
532
00:19:21,271 --> 00:19:23,272
I've had a lot of practice.
533
00:19:23,323 --> 00:19:25,774
With Shania and Goldie
and Goldie's mom.
534
00:19:25,826 --> 00:19:28,494
And now your little abomination.
535
00:19:28,528 --> 00:19:30,613
Huh.
536
00:19:30,664 --> 00:19:32,665
Oh, that's a surprise.
537
00:19:32,699 --> 00:19:36,335
Oh... oh!
538
00:19:36,369 --> 00:19:38,570
"Please help me!"
539
00:19:38,588 --> 00:19:41,757
I actually wanted it to say,
"please help me.
540
00:19:41,791 --> 00:19:43,175
Call child
protective services," but...
541
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:45,794
Anywho, um, we're off to see
who Nana can offend at dinner.
542
00:19:45,846 --> 00:19:47,296
Have a great night. Come on.
543
00:19:48,849 --> 00:19:50,966
Uh... yeah.
544
00:19:51,017 --> 00:19:52,751
Stay.
545
00:19:52,769 --> 00:19:54,770
Yeah. We ordered way
too much Chinese food.
546
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:57,022
Come on, there's
plenty for everyone.
547
00:19:57,057 --> 00:19:58,641
Great.
548
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,262
You know, if you boys
549
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:05,614
wanted a baby so badly, why
didn't you just order up
550
00:20:05,649 --> 00:20:07,599
one of those pretty
little unwanted
551
00:20:07,617 --> 00:20:09,601
Chinese girls for delivery?
552
00:20:09,619 --> 00:20:12,154
With six you get egg roll.
553
00:20:23,466 --> 00:20:25,968
I imagine you gays have wine?
554
00:20:26,002 --> 00:20:27,786
Barrels full.
555
00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:31,140
God forgive me.
556
00:20:31,174 --> 00:20:33,893
Have a seat, Mrs. Forrest.
557
00:20:33,927 --> 00:20:34,927
What do you want to drink? Um...
558
00:20:36,142 --> 00:20:37,276
What do you want?
559
00:20:37,318 --> 00:20:38,977
Can I please get some milk
in a wine glass?
560
00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:40,779
Done.
561
00:20:40,817 --> 00:20:42,081